There are nights I wake and expect to be on the hook again.

[ Or he expects a knife to be pressed into his hand, a choice to be made. Better to remove himself from the situation. One more day and he might have cut Alistair's throat just to be done with it. ]

I go to the battlements and I think- I try to not. It upset Alistair. I kept waking and looking at him and wondering if now wasn't when I was meant to break his neck.